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Goodbody? Maybe. Good Idea? Not So Much.
By Scott Ryan
I take a walk every week. I guess it's healthy, but it started because I'd just moved here and wanted to know what kind of places were within walking distance, since I don't have a car and walking is cheaper than taking a bus. Want to know what kind of places I found? It seems my home is surrounded on all sides by funeral homes! Every direction I go, I pass at least one, often more than that. Want to know which one's my favorite? Goodbody Mortuary. http://www.qondio.com/img/originals/files-1/1150.jpg I want you to think about that name. Let it roll around in your head a bit. Go ahead and say it out loud if you like. Goodbody Mortuary. I don't care if it's your family's name or not, if you're in the Stiffs Business, you don't throw the word "body" around like that. Maybe I've just got a warped perspective on life, but it just seems like they're making it easy for me! And that's not the best part. There's a bedding store across the street, and I'm pretty sure they're parking their trucks next to the mortuary. http://www.qondio.com/img/originals/files-1/1152.jpg Yes. That's a Tempur-Pedic Mattress truck parked outside. I hope that it's from across the street, at least. Oh, I don't know . . . maybe they figure it's bad enough being dead, why be uncomfortable as well? Suppose Grandma comes back from the dead. You don't want her complaining about her back in between feasting on the flesh of the living. Maybe that's why zombies are always so unpleasant and walk so slowly. Their backs are KILLING them! "Mmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy baaaaaaaack . . ." |
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